First, let me just say that my current employer saved me from Tuesday Morning. Not that the company was bad. And not that my equal-to-lower level associates were terrible, they were pretty awesome actually. The boss was my problem. I would describe her as way too Christian with no knowledge of her behavoir (a hypocritical Christian). She would reprimand you in front of customers for even the smallest of mistakes, then when she made mistakes, she'd laugh it off. She would treat you like a child, even if you were 70. Nothing was good enough, you were never fast enough. It sucked. (Funny thing, on my way out the door, my old boss tells me I could be an Assistant Manager at another location (a promotion, as I was an emergency keyholder), I ask how much? She says .25 cents more. I am disgusted at this point. I thank her and tell her i'll think about it and promptly forget it.) But I digress. So my current boss scooped me up from TM and gave me $2.15 more per hour, more hours, and a better job title! Pretty sweet, huh? I'm the boss most of the time, everyone who comes in knows my name and likes me, the cashiers I work with bust butt to make us look good, hey, it's cool. BUT...
Random-
–adjective
1. proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern
-Dictionary.com Unabridged
What is the deal with people calling themselves "random"? I'm pretty sure kids i've known since junior high have been saying that. "I'm just random." "You're so random!" This means... what? I'm not impressed that you think your actions have no purpose. Or that anything you say is without reason. Since when was that a good thing? Hello? I think the word they're looking for is 'spontaneous'. But that's 4 syllables, so understandably they found a thesauraus and under the stipulations that 1: the synonym must be half the syllables and 2: it's gotta begin with 'S'! This is what they came up with.
Bombs-
As a way to hold off ants for a while, MacGyver makes a flamethrower out of a hose, pipe, and tank of gasoline. He also uses some "kitchen ingredients" as a fuel-thickener to prevent the contraption from simply exploding. (The vagueness about the "kitchen ingredients" that make this possible provides a good example of measures taken by the show's producers and writers to prevent potentially dangerous recreations of the stunts by younger viewers.)
We sell a toilet cleaner at work that only 21 and older can buy. Seriously. I have to check ID's.
I realize that kids are more likely to experiment than adults. But at the same time, i've never heard of a young person becoming a famous bomber, have you?! Plus how are they going to get ahold of all those components on their allowance?
Customers- (aka- a neverending source of amazement and amusement, concurrently)
Today I had no time to take a break because no one else had a register and I was the only cashier. So I clocked out for break on the closest register, which wasn't mine at the time. A man walks up, and as i'm walking away to my register to help him, he puts his items on the counter. I politely tell him that I am using the other register. He tells me, "Then you'd better pick up my things and move them yourself". I look over at another customer waiting in my line (Because they saw the one with the light on was obviously the one to go to) and they have a shocked expression on their face. I just pick up the things and move them to my register and ring him up, smiling the whole time. The man practically tosses the money at me, I take his change and reciept and hold them out carefully, I wasn't about to let the change drop for this jerk. He tells me to put it on the counter, rudely. I do so. I thank him. The next customer, respect in her eyes, tells me that she could never be so nice like that. I start laughing and tell her the hardest part is not to laugh at the jerky customers.
SAME jackass customer, a few months later:
A 90 year old woman asks for my help in finding greeting cards. She tells me her best friend is turning 90. I start walking her over, and this guy stops me and wants to know if i'm going to open another register. I politely tell him that after I help this lady, I will. 2 minutes later, I walk over to my register and say loudly, "I can help the NEXT customer in line." Oh yes, I emphasized NEXT. He starts walking over. I knew it. He puts his stuff on the counter and I say, "Sir, I have to help the next person in line." He says, "I was in line." like he doesn't hear me. So I repeat, "No, I have to help the NEXT person in line." And again, "I was in line." So I give up and start ringing him up. It was around 15 bucks. He starts counting 1's out and dropping them on the counter. Slowly. Like I'M the retard, not him. (LoL) He has the full dollar amount, but not the change, and I ask for the change and he points to another dollar, on the opposite end of the counter. Jackass. I take it, finish the transaction, give him a big ole smile and say, "Thanks, have a nice night!" as happily as if I just got a new pony. The customers behind him reacted very similarly to the first encounter. Ah, retail.
I have the authority to kick his ass out. Next time, no miss nice Katie. Not that i'm ever nice.
Things I hate about working in a lower end retail store:
People who don't wear articles of clothing. Really, where were you raised? I don't care about the weather, we sell flip flops for a buck, invest already! Unless you want the sliver of glass from the jar of pickles that broke last night in the fleshy bendy-part of your pinky toe. Fun!
Cell phones and bluetooth devices. Uh huh, we can hear your entire conversation way up at the front of the store. Sorry about your mom, by the way. Oh, and it's ok that you didn't aknowledge me, I didn't feel like looking at or talking to you either, you did us both a favor!
PEOPLE WHO LET THEIR CHILDREN RUN RAMPANT. For the love of my sanity, keep them in the car! Roll up those windows while you're at it. Oh alright, leave a crack. But seriously, I will yell at your children. They will very likely cry. I will deny it.
People who say "Oh, I don't want this". Really? You had at least a half hour to stare at it in your cart. Now you're going to make me put it back. You and 50 million other customers. If you do that, then stop complaining about how the store looks, because you are the reason I can't recover the store. HURR.
People who come up to me pathetically wanting to purchase their items. Yeah, I don't stand at the register hoping for attention. There's a light for a reason. Be like the moth... follow the light... fear not to ring the bell! That is what it is for. You fulfill its purpose in life! Wouldn't you rather play that very important role instead of me telling you what should be common knowledge? (The answer is yes)
People who don't have enough money. Sometimes I feel bad. But most times, I mean come ON. It's a dollar store! Take the amount of dollars you have, and divide by that very same amount, and that's pretty much how many things you get to have!
Micro-managing. Looking over my shoulder won't get it done any faster. In fact, I will ask you to help me. Then how will you feel, huh?
Being a female... out in the open... alone... I really feel like a deer sometimes. Too-loud bluetooth guy, I turn you down for a dinner date every few weeks. And I REALLY like food, so just GUESS what I think of you! Sorry to say it, but I get fired if i'm not nice to you. I would avoid you if I could.
Same damn lady who brings her damn dog in. There's a sign on the door. Your loveable pooch is a HEALTH HAZARD. Your dogs ass is resting on the place where people put their FOOD. Are you retarded? I tell you every time! And I don't believe for one second that that's a service dog. You don't look blind to me! Here, i'll make a fist, and you try not to blink when I go in for the punch... I mean fake punch!
Screaming babies. It took 2 of you to make that thing, can 1 of you hold it outside or something?! Geeze.
To the dude who we caught stealing:
Uh, did you seriously ask me for an application today? Yeah, we still let you come in and buy stuff cuz you said you were off your meds that day, (and really, you seem to need meds, so fine...) but you don't really think we would hire you, do you? LoL
Rules
One rule in particular. First, some background...
I do 95% of all the damages in the store. That's hours of standing/sitting with a little mark down gun. So I got smart and instead of sitting on the ground (because the write-offs are thrown in a heaping basket near the floor), I got a chair so I could reach the basket, and get up easily if I needed to cashier. Well our brand new district manager (DM) comes in and sees me sitting I guess, and the next day the manager in training tells me I can't sit anymore. I'm offended at this point. I'm like, uh... so what do I do, stand and bend over every time I need to mark one of the 50 things off? Yup. I call BULLSHIT. Not only am I saddled with these damages, by myself, because no other managers will take the time to do them, but they make it harder on me? All for what? Because the flipping DM thinks it looks unprofessional?! Wow. So I stand. And suddenly, there's nowhere to do the flippin damages. I get no counter space, so i'm juggling this crap, broken frames and pottery, leaking shampoo and sticky drinks. Cool guys, thanks. I guess sitting down is only for the 'sacred office', huh? And only for the upper-crust managers and higher? My only thought is that you all look like you do a lot of sitting. So I suppose I should say thanks. I'm not going to get obese.
TMI
That stands for Too Much Information, for you unhip kids. There are many, many examples of this. One recent story- the boss and I were cashiering. I hear him ask his customer if he belonged to the border patrol. (I looked behind me wondering why he'd even asked, and the man was wearing a border patrol shirt) and the man replies, "Not offically." I bite my tongue and wonder if he takes a shotgun and goes down to the mexican border on weekends and just walks around hoping. He's rambling on about illegals and how they're taking our jobs and how "it was fine when they came up to pick fruit for the season then left, but now we're paying for their unemployment"... and i'm rolling my eyes and wishing the boss would HURRY UP ringing the guy up because idiots are embarrassing in the store. After the man leaves, I say, "You HAD to ask." And the next customer simply states, "This country is made up of immigrants".
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